Gracie Allen Reporting!

The Pittsburgh Press (May 16, 1945)

Gracie Allen Reporting

By Gracie Allen

HOLLYWOOD – My goodness, pretty soon we may have auto-planes with folding wings that can both roll and fly. The Department of Labor Statistics Bureau told the Senate so.

Of course, the traffic cops will have to have wings then, too. How are they going to stop you up there in the sky? What will they say – “pull over to the next cloud?” And think of the problems a girl will have who goes for a ride with a fellow. She’ll have to take a parachute along with her “mad money.”

And I’ve just read that through electronics post-war autos will have stop-and-go signals right in the car itself. Also a gadget that makes a shrill noise to tell you when to stop. But I won’t need any of those things when I’m driving; not when George is along.

The Pittsburgh Press (May 17, 1945)

Gracie Allen Reporting

By Gracie Allen

HOLLYWOOD – My goodness, I just had a thought. With all the babies being born in hospitals these days, what are we going to have for national shrines in years to come?

Millions have thrilled at the sight of the humble log cabin where Lincoln was born. The birthplaces of many famous men have become national shrines. But I can’t imagine them putting a picket fence around some big hospital with a plaque reading “On this site were born 10,000 famous Americans.” It would have no individuality. I don’t think it would attract sightseers.

And many other babies are first seeing the light of day in apartments. Can you imagine thousands of people crowding in to look at an apartment?

On second thought, though, that’s a very common sight these days.

The Pittsburgh Press (May 18, 1945)

Gracie Allen Reporting

By Gracie Allen

I suppose you’ve all read about the escaped German war prisoner who wandered around the streets of Los Angeles for ten days in his prisoner’s uniform before he finally got tired and persuaded a policeman to arrest him. No one paid any attention to him, which may seem odd to the rest of the country.

You see we’ve been taken in too many times before out here. We’ve grabbed prowlers creeping around on all fours with magnifying glasses. And they turned out to be press agents advertising detective movies. Nowadays if you turn around to look at a hermit or a swami it simply proves that you’re a tourist.

As for the prisoner having letters “PW” printed on the back of his uniform, that wouldn’t excite a Californian. Most people probably thought he was a chamber-of-commerce hireling and that “PW” stood for “Perfect Weather.”