Allen: It’s too bad the country can’t be run like a bank
Then all those 12 nice men the Democrats wanted to nominate could be Vice Presidents
By Gracie Allen
Chicago, Illinois –
Well, I didn’t think it was possible, but the third day of the Democratic Convention was even more exciting than the second. In fact, I got so interested that I completely forgot I was supposed to write about it.
I was sitting there in the Stadium with my ears – and probably my mouth – wide open, when a newspaperman tapped me on the shoulder and said he would like my column. Well, I thanked him and said I was sure I would like his column too if I know where to read it. Then he told me that he was there to pick up my column and get it to the newspapers and that I had just five minutes to get it written.
Well, that got me to nervous I just sat there and chewed the point off my pencil. I couldn’t write a single word.
Thank goodness for George
But thank goodness for my brilliant husband, George. Quick as a flash he grabbed that pencil out of my hand and went to work. Well, in two minutes he had that pencil sharpened for me and I was writing the column.
Of course, it wasn’t all my fault that I didn’t have the column written. The Democrats just couldn’t make up their minds whom they wanted to nominate for Vice President. There were 12 candidates to choose from. All wonderful men. Too bad the country can’t be run like a bank. Then they could all be Vice Presidents.
Anyway, as long as they had to choose one, I thought it would have been much quicker to just line the 12 men up on the stage and have the chairman walk behind them and hold a handkerchief over each man’s head… Then the one who received the most applause would be winner. On second thought – that’s what they do at amateur shows and I guess you can’t exactly call the Democrats amateurs, not after all those repeat performances.
That man again
Well, I certainly would like to be able to tell you who won the nomination for Vice President but that man keeps tapping me on the shoulder and saying, “Gimme the stuff, gimme the stuff.”
George told him to stop it or somebody would get a black eye. George is out now looking for a piece of steak.
This is my last column from the convention. Thanks for reading them and I hope you’re learned something about politics…
Goodbye now.