The Pittsburgh Press (March 11, 1946)
I DARE SAY —
Blood is thicker
By Florence Fisher Parry
Blood is thicker, thicker than anything. It flows through veins of one to another; down, down through the generations. It never completely dilutes. It never completely changes.
What is his force that ties families together, preserves resemblances even on to the third and fourth, and yes, 10th generation? Look at a given portrait? How long ago made? A hundred years, three hundred years ago? Yet look at the eyes of yonder baby; the same eyes with the same hooks at the corner; the same texture of hair; the same hairline.
Blood tells. Blood is thicker. It is the surest thing in science. It is the surest thing in history. The vagaries of its variations proves its immutable law. For look: Two children can be born of the same parents, reared under the same influences, the same conditioning, and be totally different. The one has inherited one set f family traits; the other still another set of characteristics.
Pity the man who finds himself along without a family all his kin dead, himself the last leaf upon the tree. To whom does he turn in his wrath or in his delight? With whom will he share that curious exchange of glances, which is the very essence of a family tie? Never mind how close we may be to husband, wife, friend, the tie is a different kind of tie.
The safety valve
Now it is good that this is so; for families and family ties are what keeps the world healthy and sane. Without this refuge and this safety value, I am afraid we would be a very psychopathic and neurotic breed of mortals. For is there anything, pray, that clears the system of its cobwebs and congestions quite so thoroughly as that wonderful feeling of being able to let off steam to your own folks?
There’s something about getting mad at the members of your own family that’s just different from any other indulgence! Never mind how mad you get, you know you’re going to get over it, and more important, they’re going to get over it, and you’re right back where you started from, the tie as close and strong and binding as ever.
Indeed, sometimes I think the prime advantage of families is this very thing: this wonderful privilege we all feel of blowing off steam, of getting it out of our systems.
And nothing strikes me as being so morbid and unhealthy as to be ridden by regrets and remorse after a family blow-up. I don’t think any normal, human family succeeds in getting along smoothly together over a long stretch of time. There are bound to be accusations and recriminations and all the residue of pent-up feelings; and the madder we get at our own, the more proof it supplies of our need for letting off steam.
But the wonderful thing about families is that they always get over such things. They’re back where they started from. They understand each other. They don’t hold spite. What is so forgiving and understanding as a family, tell me? What is so nice to have around?
Besides, it seems to me that a great deal of useless and unhealthy time is spent torturing ourselves about by-gone things. never does a member of a family die that the others begin tormenting themselves with unhealthy regrets. If only we hadn’t said this; if only we’d remembered to be more thoughtful and kind, if only, if only, if only…
Vain regrets
Oh, I can think of nothing that would make the dead so unhappy in their graves as to think that those they left behind were worrying about such things as this. The blessedest thing about families is the fact that they really are ON to each other. They know each other by heart. They can’t, really deep down in their hearts, misunderstand!
These ups and downs and sudden spunks and forgiveness are the very essence of family life. Of course we abuse this natural right! We’ve never really on our good behavior with our own families, thank Heaven, thank Heaven; there’s ONE place where we can take our hair down and be completely ourselves!
We hear of exceptions; we hear of members of families holding spite against each other and even disliking each other and feeling like strangers to each other, conscious of no blood tie. But these are the rare, very rare exceptions.
Families as a rule are their most natura; selves when they’re with each other. Families as a rule have more in common with each other than with anyone else on earth. The same things strike he funny, as a rule. They even like the same things to eat. It’s very likely that the same kind of food agrees with them – and disagrees, too.
When you’re with your family you feel no sense of strain. It’s never an occasion. You’re yourself. There’s no occasion to rise to.
That’s why families are so wonderful. That’s why they’re so healthy an influence. If you’re one of a large “connection,” you’re not apt to have a nervous breakdown or develop strange neurotic symptoms.
Your family has been your Safety Valve. You’ve been able to “take it out” on them. Families are like the sun after rain in this respect: their function to dry up all the tears and open a new day, fresh and shiny!